Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingmoney

Top ten signs you’ve hired a bad tax accountant

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10. He does his math calculations in the nude, so he can count to 21

9. It takes him half an hour to figure out his tip at the Hair Cuttery

8. He’s wearing a T-shirt that says, “Audit, Schmaudit!

7. He tells all his clients from Colorado that they can deduct weed as an entertainment expense

6. Every time you question his methods, he grabs himself and says, “Hey, why don’t you deduct this?!

5. He asks you to name him as a dependent

4. Before every number on your tax form, he puts one of those ‘more or less’ squiggly lines

3. When you point out a math error, he says, “Ahhh, five of one, half a dozen of the other.”

2. He claims he spends a lot of time consulting with his own tax advisers: Martini and Rossi

1. He tells you that, because you’re filing a 1040, your tax liability is only 10 dollars and 40 cents

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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