Top ten worst things to hear on a blind date

10. “Ignore my mom, she comes everywhere with me.”

9. “Would you mind if I put my cellphone on the table? I’m expecting a call from my parole officer.”

8. “Listen, at least you know a stalker is always there for ya.”

7. “You looked so much prettier in your profile pic.”

6. (leaning forward and taking your hand) “Marry me! Please! I’m desperate!”

5. “But, why can’t I use this dollar-off-dinner coupon in combination with my two-for-one coupon?”

4. “Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?”

3. “Yes, I’m that Bill Cosby and, no, there’s nothing in your drink.”

2. “Pardon my cough; I think it’s just something I picked up hiking through Liberia.”

1. “Quit looking at the bottoms of your shoes. That’s just how I smell.”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Bob Sullivan ^[3]

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus ^[4] (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 ^[5] and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.

Latest posts by Bob Sullivan (Posts ^[6])

• Top ten reasons this will be my last Top Ten List ^[7] - April 30, 2018
• Top ten more syntax one-liners ^[8] - April 23, 2018
• Top ten more alcohol one-liners ^[9] - April 16, 2018
• Top ten more dog one-liners ^[10] - April 9, 2018
• Top ten revelations in the Stormy Daniels 60 Minutes interview ^[11] - April 2, 2018