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In light of The Lost Gospel’s claim that Jesus was married, top ten things overheard at Jesus’s and Mary’s wedding

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10. “Who’s going to cut the wedding loaves and fishes?”

9. “At least we can tell our kids their Grandpa attended our wedding; He’s everywhere!

8. “It drives me nuts, all the kids here who can’t take their eyes off their stone tablets.”

7. “No, when you pronounce my first name that way, it makes me sound like a Mexican!”

6. “Today, I’m walking on champagne!

5. “First we raise the dead, then we raise the roof!

4. “Whose bright idea was it for us to get married on December 25th? – Now people will be combining my birthday, Christmas, and my anniversary gifts all in one!”

3. “It would be a miracle if we could keep this a secret for the next 2,000 years.”

2. “Honey, when I look in your eyes, it’s Heaven!

1. “Sweetheart, you do realize that if we do get buried together, I gotta go!”

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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