language & grammarThe Emperor decrees

The Emperor decrees that the phrase “you guys” is banned

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I have been declared Emperor of the World. Let us not waste time explaining why or how; let’s all simply accept the fact that we are better off, as a result; hence, my next decree:

Emperor’s Decree No. YG100: Hey, you guys! Listen, guys… You guys have to stop opening your guys’s sentences with “you guys” and saying “you guys” every other word. You guys are, like driving the Emperor crazy, you guys. Don’t make the Emperor slap you guys in chains. Okay guys? I mean, like, some of you guys aren’t even guys, so “you guys” just doesn’t make sense, guys.

The Punishment: You guys who use “you guys” will have your guys’s butts thrown into the Imperial Dungeons where you guys will meet some other guys who will make your guys’s lives miserable.

Okay guys? See you guys later.

Now, go forth and obey.

The Emperor will grace the world with a new decree each Tuesday morning.

Chris Matarazzo is a writer, composer, musician and teacher of literature and writing on the college and high school levels. His music can be heard on his recent release, Hats and Rabbits, which is currently available. Chris is also the composer of the score to the off-beat independent film Surrender Dorothy and he performs in the Philadelphia area with the King Richard Band. He's also a relatively prolific novelist, even if no one seems to care yet. His blog, also called Hats and Rabbits, is nice, too, if you get a chance...
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2 Responses to “The Emperor decrees that the phrase “you guys” is banned”

  1. This is even more hilarious when you read it out loud to a friend.

    What’s interesting, however, is the part you mentioned about some of “you guys” not being guys. You wouldn’t find the American English use of the word “guys” (the way you’re writing about here) 60 some odd years ago, or at least not so widespread. Some people think that the use of the word “guys” became a universal term for men and women in American culture after the feminist movement, because women can be “guys” too. Then again, that suggests “guys” are the more socially dominant sex… My head is spinning!

  2. See! Not only am I all-powerful, but I remove the onus of sexual politics! All hail me!

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