Top ten signs you’re not going to graduate from high school this year

10. On your British Literature final, you put Pride and Prejudice was written by Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling

9. The only times you’ve ever raised your hand in class involved needing to pee

8. Your son is in the same grade you are

7. On your Civics final, you kept spelling it “Cervix”

6. Every night of the week, you party harder than Toronto Mayor Rob Ford

5. After years of instruction, you still talk into the wrong end of the telephone

4. In your high school yearbook, you were voted ‘Most Likely to Be Unable to Distinguish between His Ass and a Hole in the Ground’

3. You were spotted out on the football field, sticking a suppository into a hole in the ground

2. On a true/false test, you answered every question “C”

1. On your American Literature final, you put An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge was written by Chris Christie
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

• Author Bio ^[1]
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Bob Sullivan ^[3]

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus ^[4] (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 ^[5] and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.

Latest posts by Bob Sullivan (Posts ^[6])

• Top ten reasons this will be my last Top Ten List ^[7] - April 30, 2018
• Top ten more syntax one-liners ^[8] - April 23, 2018
• Top ten more alcohol one-liners ^[9] - April 16, 2018
• Top ten more dog one-liners ^[10] - April 9, 2018
• Top ten revelations in the Stormy Daniels 60 Minutes interview ^[11] - April 2, 2018