adviceBob Sullivan's top ten everything

Top ten signs your house needs a spring cleaning

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10. Your dust bunnies are breeding like rabbits

9. The Health Department has you on speed dial

8. Your Christmas tree is left over from the President Bush years – the first President Bush

7. The “lace curtains” seem to be trapping an unusually large number of flies

6. You wipe your feet on the mat before stepping outside

5. All your rats have moved on to less disgusting environs

4. You’ve lost three pets and a nephew to indoor avalanches

3. Raccoons have gnawed through the hose, making it difficult to hose down the hallway

2. The producers of Hoarders weren’t able to film in your house, because no insurance company was willing to cover them

1. When somebody asks, “What died in here?” you give them a list
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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