I have been declared Emperor of the World. Let us not waste time explaining why or how; let’s all simply accept the fact that we are better off, as a result; hence, my next decree:
Emperor’s Decree No. 5-5: First off, there is an “I” on every team in every sport. And the “I” stands for people who carry their teams. We could give you a list, but why take up space? Second, the Emperor never could have risen to this status of world dominance and power if he had thought as part of a “team.” (Truly, the only team of which you need to be part is the one that does what it is told to do by the Emperor.) Teams? Let them concentrate on stuffing their balls into nets. The rest will go on trying to forge a path for themselves and learning to think on their own so that we don’t turn into a world full of bees in a hive. “Team effort.” Blech.
The Punishment: Those who use the word “team” outside of a mile radius form a sports field will be force to sit for a year in what the Imperial Dungeonmaster likes to call “The Penalty Box.” (You don’t want to know.)
The Emperor will grace the world with a new decree each Tuesday morning.
Now, go forth and obey.
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Chris Matarazzo [4]
Latest posts by Chris Matarazzo (Posts [8])
- Book Review: An Encyclopedia of Tolkien [9] - October 14, 2019
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- The Emperor decrees that all official documents will be printed in Comic Sans [12] - March 24, 2015
- The Emperor decrees that the letter “E” shall no longer be spoken as an “A” [13] - February 10, 2015