The Emperor decrees that you will stop trying to make your long stories short
I have been declared Emperor of the World. Let us not waste time explaining why or how; let’s all simply accept the fact that we are better off, as a result; hence, my next decree:
Emperor’s Decree No. 922105: You cannot make a story that is already long, short. So stop saying, “…to make a long story short…” It’s already long. You have already prattled and chuntered everyone into a coma. Shut up now. Make a long story stop.
The Punishment: Offenders will be beaten by the Imperial Torture Master for seven hours. Then, he will stop and walk away, saying, “…to make a long beating short…”
The Emperor will grace the world with a new decree each Tuesday morning.
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Your Most Royal High-and-Mightyness … to make a long tribute short … oh … uh, never mind.
You stopped just in time, my faithful friend.