language & grammarThe Emperor decrees

The Emperor decrees that you will stop trying to make your long stories short

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I have been declared Emperor of the World. Let us not waste time explaining why or how; let’s all simply accept the fact that we are better off, as a result; hence, my next decree:

Emperor’s Decree No. 922105: You cannot make a story that is already long, short. So stop saying, “…to make a long story short…” It’s already long. You have already prattled and chuntered everyone into a coma. Shut up now. Make a long story stop.

The Punishment: Offenders will be beaten by the Imperial Torture Master for seven hours. Then, he will stop and walk away, saying, “…to make a long beating short…”

The Emperor will grace the world with a new decree each Tuesday morning.

Chris Matarazzo is a writer, composer, musician and teacher of literature and writing on the college and high school levels. His music can be heard on his recent release, Hats and Rabbits, which is currently available. Chris is also the composer of the score to the off-beat independent film Surrender Dorothy and he performs in the Philadelphia area with the King Richard Band. He's also a relatively prolific novelist, even if no one seems to care yet. His blog, also called Hats and Rabbits, is nice, too, if you get a chance...
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2 Responses to “The Emperor decrees that you will stop trying to make your long stories short”

  1. Your Most Royal High-and-Mightyness … to make a long tribute short … oh … uh, never mind.

  2. You stopped just in time, my faithful friend.

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