Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingeducation

Top ten things you don’t want to hear from your roommate on your first day of college

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10. “Have you accepted Jesus into your life?”

9. “I’m kinda contagious, so it’d be best if you keep ten feet away.”

8. “I’m majoring in Whole Beef Butchering, so my homework might get a little messy.”

7. “Wanna see my Anthony Weiner impression?”

6. “No matter what you hear, don’t open that closet!

5. “Who do you think is the cutest hunk in One Direction?”

4. “Seriously, my Silent-But-Deadlies have been known to peel paint off the walls.”

3. “I have a tendency to walk in my sleep and do this ‘stabby’ thing.”

2. “Do you want to be on the top or the bottom – and no, we don’t have bunk beds.”

1. “You got a real purdy mouth.”

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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