Top ten things your mother doesn’t want to hear on Mother’s Day

Top ten things your mother doesn’t want to hear on Mother’s Day

Posted on May 6th, 2013 by Bob Sullivan

10. “No Mother’s Day card this year, but I did send you a tweet!”

9. “I’m taking you out to dinner, but you have to hurry; Taco Bell closes at nine.”

8. “The word ‘love’ seems a little strong. I can ‘tolerate’ you.”

7. “Here’s your gift: a DVD of Oedipus Rex –you sexy mama!”

6. “I wouldn’t call you a great mother, but you’re probably better than Joan Crawford.”

5. “And look what I got for you: a five-day Carnival Cruise!”

4. “Here are all the ingredients for a great Mother’s Day dinner. All you have to do is cook it!”

3. “As I live and breathe! You’re still breathing!”

2. “Of course these flowers aren’t stolen from a funeral home. That banner just means, when you go to sleep tonight, I hope you rest peacefully.”

1. “Mom, I have a surprise for you: I’m adopted!!”

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Bob Sullivan

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.