Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingsports

Top ten signs your horse isn’t going to win the Kentucky Derby

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10. His odds are about the same as Romney’s winning the next Presidential election

9. The racing form states he’s a descendant of Seattle Stew

8. He’s scared of crowds

7. His nickname is Tripod

6. The Elmer’s glue people have already put in a bid

5. Trotting gives him the trots

4. The only surface he’s ever run on is shag carpeting

3. Parts of him have already shown up in British beef burgers

2. In the starting gate, he’s facing the wrong way

1. Your jockey is Chris Christie

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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