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Top ten excuses for filing your taxes late

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10. “If all those Congressman can’t figure out their finances, how do you expect me to?”

9. “I have a deathly fear of 1040 paper cuts.”

8. “Trying to use the Qualified Dividends and Capital Gains Tax Worksheet gave me a severe brain cramp.”

7. “My dog ate my return.”

6. “Fill out a tax form?! I can’t even figure out my tip at the Red Lobster.”

5. “I’m rich. I thought we were exempt.”

4. “When I burned my business down for the insurance, I forgot to remove my receipts first.”

3. “I thought the penalty for filing late would make for a sweet deduction on next year’s return.”

2. “I don’t want to bounce any more checks.”

1. “I was stuck on a Carnival Cruise.”

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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