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The Emperor decrees that all cell phones are banned

Posted By Chris Matarazzo On In technology,The Emperor decrees | 2 Comments

I have been declared Emperor of the World. Let us not waste time explaining why or how; let’s all simply accept the fact that we are better off, as a result; hence, my next decree:

Emperor’s Decree No. 555-3342: Seriously, with the cell phones, people. Sweet Jesu. Enough. It’s pathetic. Besides, the only call you really need to hear is the Emperor’s call, n’est-ce pas? All minions of the Empire will surrender their cell phones by midnight, Thursday, so that they may be summarily destroyed. Yes, you heard correctly.

IMPERIAL SUBJECT: Oh, but Magnificent One, what about safety…

EMPEROR: [pinching fingertips and thumb together] PSHHHT!

SUBJECT: But, Emperor…I use mine for work…

EMPEROR: [pinching, again] PSHHHT!

SUBJECT: But, Emperor…I use the GPS…

EMPEROR: PSHHHHHHHHT!

SUBJECT: But…

EMPEROR: PSHHHHT!

SUBJECT: The…

EMPEROR: PSHHHHHHHHT!

SUBJECT: I…

EMPEROR: PSHT! [warning look, as subject tries to speak] Sh.

SUBJECT: It…

EMPEROR: [puts fingers to subject’s lips] Shhhhhhh. [pats subject on the head; walks away with a swish of samite robes]

The Punishment: Those seen using one of the banned devices after Thursday will be encased in a giant effigy of an iPhone and buried in a wormy hole.

Now, go forth and obey.

The Emperor will grace the world with a new decree each Tuesday morning

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Chris Matarazzo [4]

Chris Matarazzo is a writer, composer, musician and teacher of literature and writing on the college and high school levels. His music can be heard on his recent release, Hats and Rabbits [5], which is currently available. Chris is also the composer of the score to the off-beat independent film Surrender Dorothy [6] and he performs in the Philadelphia area with the King Richard Band. He's also a relatively prolific novelist, even if no one seems to care yet. His blog, also called Hats and Rabbits [7], is nice, too, if you get a chance...