Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingends & odd

Top ten excuses of Gerald Streator of Waukesha, Wisconsin, who was arrested for having sex with a couch

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10. “It was a love seat.”

9. “I figured it was safe sex. It was wearing a plastic slipcover.”

8. “My recliner at home recently left me.”

7. “Lots of people make love on a couch. I was just eliminating the middleman.”

6. “It was a convertible sofa, so it was just begging me to sleep with it!”

5. “It was a dead ringer for my last girlfriend.”

4. “Plenty of men fantasize about what I did. I mean, look at all the fan pages dedicated to Sofa Vergara!”

3. “Those cushions were just so plump and succulent, and it had the sexiest legs I’ve ever seen.”

2. “I consider myself the Sofa King, sofa king the couch just seemed natural.”

1. “You know what they say: In the couch spring, a young man’s fancy turns to thoughts of love.
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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