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Top ten little-known facts about Mitt Romney

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10. ‘Mitt’ is short for ‘Mitigate’

9. He has less charisma than Clint Eastwood’s chair

8. On vacation, he likes to visit his money in the Caymans

7. He’d gladly show you his tax returns – when you pry them from his cold dead fingers

6. His nickname for his dog is ‘Luggage’

5. He has a three-prong strategy for winning the election: lie (look at the Republican convention), buy (the Koch brothers have $50 billion), and cheat (voter I.D., etc.)

4. He’s somewhat smarter than your average marmoset

3. He doesn’t have a birth certificate to show; instead he has a warranty

2. He not only wears magic underwear, but a matching magic bra

1. If elected, he plans to fire everybody, flip the country, and move to Sweden
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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