Top ten signs you’ve chosen the wrong college

Top ten signs you’ve chosen the wrong college

Posted on September 10th, 2012 by Bob Sullivan

10. They boast “fewer faculty felons than last year”

9. You were admitted because you were able to sketch a picture of a turtle you saw on a book of matches

8. The only books in their library contain nothing but names, addresses, and phone numbers

7. It makes Bob Jones University look like Harvard

6. The college application was an insert in a McDonald’s menu

5. The school’s Latin motto is “Non Impediti Ratione Cogitationis” (“Unencumbered by the Thought Process”)

4. The photo on the cover of the college catalogue: Johnny Knoxville

3. When you ask if the college is well endowed, the school president pulls down his zipper

2. Their biggest fraternity is Singa Phi Nothing

1. There’s only one ‘L’ in ‘COLEGE’

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Bob Sullivan

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.