Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingsports

Top ten signs you are too old to be playing Major League Baseball

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10. During the Seventh Inning Stretch, you pull a hamstring

9. You try running around the bases on your Rascal Scooter

8. You originally played for the Cincinnati Red Stockings

7. You have an 8×10 of Betty White hanging in your locker

6. When you buy steroids, you pull out your AARP card and ask for a discount

5. During a press conference, when asked if you wear boxers or briefs, you reply, “Depends.”

4. While you’re running from second to third, you stop for directions

3. When you slide into home, you dislocate your hip

2. You were ultimately exonerated in the Black Sox scandal

1. Your cry of “I slid into second, and I can’t get up!”

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.

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