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The Emperor decrees that idiots may no longer “interpret” stuff

Posted By Chris Matarazzo On In The Emperor decrees | No Comments

I have been declared Emperor of the World. Let us not waste time explaining why or how; let’s all simply accept the fact that we are better off, as a result; hence, my next decree:

Emperor’s Decree No. 19: No person may attempt to “analyze” or “interpret” the “messages sent” by a media piece or by a movie or by a book — or to make similar attempts to explicate statements issued by prominent figures — unless he or she is a licensed non-idiot. (The Emperor, himself, will be responsible for determining who qualifies for the N.I.P. — the “Non-Idiot Pass.”) This decree has been written because the Emperor is getting a bruise from repeatedly slapping the royal forehead.

The Punishment: Violators will be strapped, for three days, into a wet, reclining chair and forced to watch the pithy cast of a daily, gang-hosted talk show discuss what they see as a racist stance against “hoodies” in Thomas Pynchon’s Gravity’s Rainbow (Sparknotes edition).

The Emperor will grace the world with a new decree each Tuesday morning.

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Chris Matarazzo [4]

Chris Matarazzo is a writer, composer, musician and teacher of literature and writing on the college and high school levels. His music can be heard on his recent release, Hats and Rabbits [5], which is currently available. Chris is also the composer of the score to the off-beat independent film Surrender Dorothy [6] and he performs in the Philadelphia area with the King Richard Band. He's also a relatively prolific novelist, even if no one seems to care yet. His blog, also called Hats and Rabbits [7], is nice, too, if you get a chance...