Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingeducation

Top ten signs you’re not going to graduate from high school this year

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10. Your guidance counselor gave you a booklet on how to operate a fryolator

9. In History Class, you identified Roe v. Wade as “Two ways to cross a stream”

8. On the true/false test, you answered every question “C”

7. In your high school yearbook, you were voted ‘Most Likely to Appear in Next Year’s Yearbook”

6. Nobody believes the dead hooker in your locker was planted there by the Secret Service

5. Every paper you handed in was limited to 140 characters

4. During your Computer Science final, you were caught Googling yourself

3. The last time you picked up a book, before you finished it you ran out of crayons

2. You’ve been in the tenth grade since the first Bush Administration

1. You were caught cheating – with the principal’s wife

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.

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