Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingmoney

Top ten excuses for filing your taxes late

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10. “Somebody just now told me that taxes are due every year.”

9. “I was working around the clock trying to revive the Herman Cain campaign.”

8. “I’m deathly afraid of 1040 paper cuts.”

7. “I miss prison.”

6. “Fill out a tax form?! I can’t even program my VCR!”

5. “After I claim all the voices in my head as deductions, it turns out they owe me money!”

4. “I was hoping I could barter for what I owe with sexual favors.”

3. “All my calculations were lost when somebody turned over my Etch A Sketch.”

2. “Being in the top one percent, I thought I was exempt.”

1. “I’m still waiting for this Nigerian prince to e-mail me some money.”

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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