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Top ten things overheard at last night’s Academy Awards

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10. “Billy Crystal’s hosting? What, was Letterman busy?”

9. “For Jack and Jill, I thought Adam Sandler would be nominated for Best Actor and Best Actress.”

8. “The Tree of Life is up for a new award: Most Cryptic.”

7. “Somebody told me the stars of The Artist actually know how to speak!”

6. “George Clooney and Brad Pitt? What category is this, Most Hunky?”

5. “I thought The Iron Lady was such a lame sequel to Iron Man!”

4. “I want to see Woody Allen and Martin Scorsese duke it out!”

3. “This thing is lasting longer than a Kardashian marriage.”

2. “I love the new ‘anatomically correct’ Oscar; it’s so much easier to carry!”

1. “I hear in their next film, Meryl Streep and Glenn Close are going to play each other!

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.

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