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virtual children by Scott Warnock

A story: What would Atticus Finch do?

My six-year-old daughter and I walked the cold, bare lines of February evening concrete in Philadelphia’s Chinatown. We were seeking a favorite restaurant after spending the afternoon at the Franklin Institute’s BodyWorlds exhibit, trying to see in those brilliantly split cadavers what makes us work. [Read more →]

drugs & alcoholends & odd

The inevitable, impending tragedy of the asparagus pee crisis that will claim our children if we don’t do something about it now

INTELLIGENCE ALERT
PINKARSKY COUNTY SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT

The Pinkarsky County Sheriff’s Department was recently made aware of a potentially dangerous threat to our children, in the form of music that mimics the feeling of euphoria that comes from taking drugs. Sheriff’s Department officials would like to warn parents about this troubling development, and encourages all parents to be vigilant and make sure and monitor any music that your children listen to, to ensure that they’re not “getting high” off it.

“Of course, we’re concerned about what the children of Pinkarsky County are listening to,” said Sheriff Waldo Heiny, at a press conference called specifically to announce this troubling development. “We want to make sure that the parents, who already have their hands full with their jobs, or unemployment worries, or whatever, understand that the Sheriff’s Department will do everything it can to help them to deal with this dangerous threat targeting our youth, by making random stops of children who exhibit odd behavior in public, and by making random searches of the CD and MP3 collections of the county’s children.”

The Sheriff added that the silence from some neighboring counties on this potentially devastating problem has been deafening.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
DONAR COUNTY SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT

The Sheriff’s Department of Donar County recently learned that some parents had become alarmed by the idea that some kids might be trying to get high by listening to music. Donar County Sheriff Whitty Crain wishes to assure parents that there is little threat of children getting high from music. The real threat is from girls dipping their tampons in vodka, and then putting the tampons in their vaginas, where the vodka is absorbed through the soft, tender tissue of the girl’s vagina. [Read more →]

books & writing

Lisa reads Pitch Dark by Steven Sidor

It’s Christmas Eve and Vera Coffey is on the run. What she brings to the little town of American Rapids is certainly not holiday cheer. She has something with her, and the people following her will do anything to get it back.

In Pitch Dark, Steven Sidor sets an extremely creepy stage. A small town in the middle of nowhere, a blizzard, and the eve of a holiday, when no one expects bad things to happen. These are nice people — Vera, Adam, Wyatt, Opal and Max — and they have no idea what’s coming for them. Vera had a fight with her boyfriend and ran. She meets Adam on the road, heading home to see his parents for Christmas. Wyatt and Opal’s life together has already been scarred by violence; they thought running the Rendezvous Motel would give them the peace and quiet they wanted.
[Read more →]

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