Top ten excuses of Malcolm Brenner, who just wrote a book about his sexual relations with a dolphin

Top ten excuses of Malcolm Brenner, who just wrote a book about his sexual relations with a dolphin

Posted on October 17th, 2011 by Bob Sullivan

10. As a youth, he was always having wet dreams

9. They were thrown together when he was out scuba diving one day and accidentally got caught up in a tuna net

8. After seeing the recent Morgan Freeman movie, he was inspired to go out and get some of that ‘dolphin tail’

7. He loves the ocean, but felt a non-mammal would be a bit too kinky

6. He was trying to make his goldfish jealous

5. In his teens, he completely flipped for Flipper

4. He thought a killer whale might be a bit too risky

3. He didn’t fall in love with her on porpoise

2. There was just something about her ‘come hither’ blowhole

1. He always heard Finnish girls were the best

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Bob Sullivan

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.