When in the Course of current events it becomes necessary for one class to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of Mother Earth, the separate and superior station to which the Laws of the People and of the People’s President entitle them, a competent manipulation of the opinions of the Media requires that they should obscure the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all wealth is created from inequality, that it is endowed by it’s Creators with certain unalienable Wrongs, that among these are Strife, Perfidy and the pursuit of Profits. — That to redress these wrongs, Governments are inflicted upon Drones, deriving their just powers from the virtues of the governers, — That whenever any Brand of Government becomes abortive of these ends, it is the Duty of the Masses to cripple and to demolish it, and to institute More Government, laying its foundation on such demands and organizing its powers in such force, as to them shall seem most likely to increase their Stipends and Net Access. Public Relations, indeed, will dictate that Governments long entrenched should not be challenged in plain and transparent language; and accordingly all rumors hath confirmed that man, and Whoa, man! kind are more disposed to pilfer, while victuals are pilferable than to feed themselves by pursuing the work for which they are equipped. But when a short bus of abusers and usurations, pursuing inarguably the same Subjects, convinces the malign to reduce themselves under urban Primitivism, it is the White, and the Moody, who throw offal at such Government, to extract new Revenue for their Social Security. — Such have been the impatient Demonstrations, of these Occupiers; and such is now the necessity which compels them to expand the inadequate Reach of Government. The history of the present President of Amerika is a history of insulting sell-outs and recriminations, all pursuing the equivocal project to establish an invisible Satrapy over these Ingrates. To prove this, let Factoids be submitted to a dated press.

He has confused his Assent with the Laws, the most fulsome and unnecessary for the public good.

He has instructed his Czars to pass Regulations of immediate and pressing importance, but then suspended them in their operation till this Economy should be improved; and when so suspended, he has insultingly reminded us that we want them.

He has perused but not passed other Laws for the incarceration of large classes of people, because those people have the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right unconscionable for them and appropriate to mendicants only.

He has called together Super-legislative bodies for purposes unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the interests of the Public Demonstrations, for the sole purpose of mitigating the debts caused by compliance with his measures.

He has not dissolved the Representative House though insistently, he opposes with girlish squirminess their evasions of the Debts to the People.

He has excused for a long time, after such dissolutions, others to be selected, whereby the Regulatory Powers, quite capable of Annihilation, have turned on the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to little danger of invasion from without, or convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to re-invent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; pretending to pass others to discourage their migrations hither, and lowering the conditions for new Appropriations of Funds. And that’s not too bad, but….

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Precedent for expanding Judiciary Powers 0ver everything.

He has appointed Judges dependent on his Word alone for the tenure of their offices, and the reneged on payment for their loyalties.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass rich people and eat out their substance, but it should have been more.

He has kept around us, in times of war, Standing Armies without the Consent of our professors.

He has refused to render the Green Power independent of physics and superior to the Electrical Power.

He has combined with Republicans to subject us to a persecution foreign to our instituions, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Tactics of perfected Colonialization:

For deploying large bodies of armed cops among us:

For protecting them, by shlock denials from punishment or Murders which they deserve by the Inhabitants of these States:

For putting off our Parade over all parts of the world:

For proposing Taxes on others that will not pay our Rent:

For depriving jihadis, in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury:

For transporting them beyond Seas to be tortured for alleged offences:

For abolishing the free System of Public Shools in destitute Provinces, establishing therein an Arbitrary retirement, and reducing its Beneficiaries so as to render them at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same austerity rules into other Agencies

For taking away our Cookies, rubbishing our most plausible Causes and altering fundamentally the Terms of our Grievance:

For de-friending our own Avatars, and declaring himself invested with Wisdom to speak for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us fit for his Neglection and waging Media-War against us.

He has raised our seas, oiled our coasts, ensmokedour towns, and destroyed the lives of muslim people.

He is at this time advocating large Armies of domestic Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most scariest m0vies, and totally unworthy the Head of a socialized nation.

He has detained our global Citizens taken Captive on martyrdom missions to bear witness against their Religion, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Detonators.

He has ignored domestic investigations against us, and has endeavoured to bring in the inhabitants from our frontiers, the merciless Republican Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all minorities, trans-sexes and exhibitions.

In every stage of these Regressions We have Auditioned for Undress and the best plastic drums: Our repeated Petitions have been accompanied only by reduced idolatry. A President, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Sell-out, is unfit to be the coolest of a tree-hugging people.

Nor have We been wanting in recriminations to our Democrat brethren. We have warned them, with mime and slime, of attempts by their legislators to pretend an unwanted association with us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of their election and campaigns here. We have appealed to their naive malice and cupidity, and we have injured them by the ties of our common philosophy so we disavow these associations, which would inevitably interrupt their connections and our sustenance. They too have been blind to the edge of the precipice and accountability. We must, therefore, embrace the depravity, which announces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War and in Peace.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the Victimes of the united States of Amerika, in General Filth, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judgement of the world for our Attitude and allegations, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of several Realities, solemnly embellish and aver, That these dis-united Loonies have, and of Right ought to have, Free, whatever they can grab, and live in a Dependent State, that they are Absolved from all Responsibility for their own Downtown, and that all unbeneficial connections between them and the State of The Nation, are and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Fregans in a  Dependent State, they have full Power to evade War, corrupt Peace, attack Alliances, interrupt Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which those without responsibility may of get away with. — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Media Ignorance, we mutually pledge ourselves your Lives, your Fortunes, and your sacred Honor.

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