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How I was almost incinerated

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The other night I was working in my backyard when I caught a whiff of smoke on the wind: a barbecue? I wondered. But there were no smoke trails coming from behind my neighbor’s fences; nor could I smell sizzling meat.

I checked the green belt behind my house- no tongues of flame there either. Furthermore, the odor was different, not a wood fire, but rather…. Ah that’s it! It was the same burning plastic/chemical/metal aroma that had hovered over my Austin apartment last year after an angry man had flown a plane into the local tax office, hoping to inflict a mini 9/11 on the IRS (He got there too early, before most of the staff were at their desks, and so killed only himself and one other person). [Read more →]

The sheepdog’s eyes: Lady Gaga’s empty theatrics

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If it weren’t for Lady Gaga, many of the points I have tried to make in this column would have been so hard to illustrate. She consistently delivers. She constantly examplifies the things that, in my opinion, are the unnecessary and even damaging trappings of art, from the element that I have called “artistic weirdness” to plain-old insincerity. At the recent MTV video awards, dressed up and acting like a dude, as “Jo Calderone,” Gaga physically illustrated the pitfalls of insincerity in art — the problems that are caused when “show” overshadows art. [Read more →]

Bad sports, good sports: Arian Foster thinks we should care about him as a person

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It must be an amazing thing to be a star athlete. You not only have the fame of many Hollywood stars, but you also have legions of children who want to be just like you. There is a whole lot of money that usually goes with that status too. It has to be easy for those athletes to lose sight of reality, at least a bit. Some guys seem to stay pretty grounded, while others really need to learn when to keep their mouths shut. Count Houston Texans running back Arian Foster among those in the second group. [Read more →]

Top ten signs you’re having a bad summer

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10. You’ve lost so much blood from mosquito bites, they’ve stopped biting you

9. That ‘travel agent’ you went to drunk turned out to be an Army recruiter

8. You go in for a spray tan and come out looking like John Boehner – which makes you cry like John Boehner

7. Your summer highlight: watching reruns of “iCarly”

6. Your eyebrows haven’t grown back since the Fourth of July

5. First name “Rod.” Last name “Blagojevich.”

4. Your vacation package is for seven days and two nights

3. Your sunburn is so bad, drivers stop at you and wait for you to change

2. Due to hard-of-hearing travel agent, instead of Cancun you wind up in Camden

1. The B&B you’re staying at evidently stands for ‘bed’ and ‘bugs’
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Hangin’ with the Chin, Pt. 1: Mysterious Ways

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It was sometime in the second half of the 18th century that English poet and hymnist William Cowper suggested that “God moves in a mysterious way, His wonders to perform.” Over the ensuing centuries it has been used many, many times to explain many, many different situations that seem to defy explanation. Many of us have been faced with such a situation, and some of us have found Cowper’s advice to offer a satisfying explanation … it worked for me when I first met the Chin. [Read more →]

A prayer for everyone back-east

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Even as we experience one of the worst droughts in Texas’ recorded history, our television sets and desktop news feeds are filled with words and images of the havoc wreaked by Hurricane Irene. I realize that many WFTC contributors are based somewhere in the storm’s path … our thoughts and our prayers are with you, and with all those in harm’s way. [Read more →]

Biden’s zero brain policy

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Personal trainers I wish I had known

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If you have talented, dedicated, interested older children, I recognize the value of getting them to someone who knows things about sports that you and/or their coaches don’t. But it strikes me that there is an epidemic of personal trainers out there, a horde of people charging parents for drilling little kids in one-on-one practice sessions. Many of the little kids would rather be, well, doing something else, and this explosion of personal trainers is another sign of our era of sports-obsessed parenting.

[Read more →]

An extraordinary gentleman

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An extraordinary gentleman, Edward Beauclerk Maurice. Not “The Last Gentleman Adventurer” as his publishers have advertised in the title of this posthumous 2005 memoir. Not an adventurer at all, we discover, but a better man than that, honest, earnest and brave. A true-heart. Certainly a gentleman, but not the last of those, however rare they are today. Extraordinary in every way that I know of him. But, alas, I only know of him through the pages of this, his only book. And though a fine and natural writer, he is not given to bragging.

To be fair to the publisher’s choice of titles, the Hudson’s Bay Company, for whom Maurice worked in the 1930′s was established by Charles the Second of England in 1670 as the ‘Gentleman Adventurers Trading into Hudson’s Bay.’ In these times of Costco and Apple Inc., we don’t have such incorporations today. But the publisher’s misleading banner is subtitled, “coming of age in the arctic.” This is more to the point. This has more of the straightforward modesty of the author. [Read more →]

Lisa reads: The Baseball Codes: Beanballs, Sign Stealing, and Bench-Clearing Brawls by Jason Turbow and Michael Duca

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The Baseball Codes: Beanballs, Sign Stealing, and Bench-Clearing Brawls: The Unwritten Rules of America’s Pastime alternately entertained, educated and enraged me. I love that authors Jason Turbow and Michael Duca were not afraid to name names. They told some great stories about some of the great rivalries in baseball — not just between teams, but between players. They explain the rules — the unwritten codes that players learn in the dugout and in the clubhouse. Some of these rules are black and white: everybody joins a fight. Some of the rules are so vague that even the players can’t agree on the specifics. But everybody knows there are rules…and there are consequences for breaking them.

“I can break it down into three simple things,” said Bob Brenly, who followed a nine-year big-league career by managing the Arizona Diamondbacks to a world championship in 2001. “Respect your teammates, respect your opponents, and respect the game.”

[Read more →]

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