Top ten signs you’re not going to graduate

Top ten signs you’re not going to graduate

Posted on May 23rd, 2011 by Bob Sullivan

10. On your paper “What I Plan To Do After Graduation,” your teacher wrote “Guess again”

9. Your final paper in Music class was entitled “Why Justin Bieber Is the New Mozart”

8. The last time you picked up a book, it took you the better part of the afternoon to find all the Waldos

7. It’s bad enough you had an affair with a teacher, but the shop teacher?!

6. In Geography class, you identified the Ivory Coast as “two brands of soap”

5. In your high school yearbook, you were voted ‘Most Likely to Be Unable to Tell His Ass from a Hole in the Ground’

4. You were caught out on the football field, sticking a suppository into a hole in the ground

3. In Chemistry, the only elements you could name from the periodic table were Neon, Freon, Dione, and Leon

2. After years of instruction, you still talk into the wrong end of the telephone

1. The only history you learned all year long, you learned from Glenn Beck’s Classroom of the Air

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Bob Sullivan

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.