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Top ten excuses of the Seattle man arrested for trying to have sex with his car

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10. Everybody knows how much men love their cars!

9. He was very confused about the term ‘carjacking’

8. He swears the headlights kept winking at him

7. Seriously, Dude, have you ever even seen a Maserati Bora?!

6. PCP and Jack Daniels don’t mix

5. He was parked on Lover’s Lane, and one thing led to another

4. No way could he resist that junk in the trunk!

3. The new car smell really turned him on

2. He thought it would be fun to impale an Impala

1. When he told his friends how lonely he was, they suggested autoeroticism

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.

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