The hostage situation at the Discovery Channel headquarters today was tragic. I’m not talking about the demise of the gunman, James Lee, who was shot dead by police. And I’m not talking about the three hostages, who made it out unharmed. I’m talking about the kids who had been in a day care program in the building when the whole thing went down:

A day care inside One Discovery Place was successfully evacuated, and the children were moved to a McDonald’s restaurant, authorities said. Witnesses said some of the children were in cribs on wheels, and that people pushed the cribs out of the building to safety.

These poor kids narrowly avoided being the victims of a crazed environmentalist who wanted the Discovery Channel to ”stop encouraging the birth of any more parasitic human infants.” This guy was so crazy, he demanded “that the Discovery Channel broadcast daily prime-time shows devoted to ‘solutions to save the planet,’ perhaps in a game-show format, insisting, ‘Make it interesting so people watch and apply solutions!!!!’”

We’re talking four exclamation points of crazy here. Anyone who uses more than one exclamation point should at least be evaluated for mental illness. This guy uses four — FOUR — and, it appears, calls for the people we see on Family Feud or Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? to compete to save the planet. The least crazy thing about him is taking people hostage at gunpoint.

Yet somehow the children in the day care were saved. Tragedy averted. Or so it seemed. Then some uncaring, thoughtless humans (a species Lee described as the “most destructive, filthy, pollutive creatures around and are wrecking what’s left of the planet with their false morals and breeding culture”) bring the kids to a McDonald’s — a McDonald’s!!!! — where they were certainly seduced into eating Happy Meals and promptly became fat diabetic slobs who would soon go on to destroy the planet. 

It was a tragic day for James Lee, for the kids in the day care program, and, indeed, for the earth.

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