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The pap of progress

In the last embarrassing installment of the “The Conversation,” the New York Times’ pandering online ‘dialogue’ between columnists David Brooks and Gail Collins, readers overheard David and Gail chatting philosophical on the progress of humanity. Regardless of the deplorable state of American, well, everything, they assured each other in alternating heaves of optimism, at least the present is better than the past.

Not that we should be surprised. David Brooks could find the silver lining of industrial capitalism in a radiation cloud. Nuclear technology, after all, is clear evidence of economic growth and human creativity. No, we shouldn’t be surprised that this country’s supposed intellectuals are finding new ways to dumb down discourse with rancid chestnuts about progress. But we should be disappointed.

Does our creativity come from our sex organs? (Of course it does.)

Via dlisted, there is an interview from Vanity Fair in which Lady GaGa confesses that she believes the seat of her creativity can be found in her wondrous loins.

Lady Gaga tells Vanity Fair contributing editor Lisa Robinson that she tries to avoid having sex because she is afraid of depleting her creative energy — “I have this weird thing that if I sleep with someone they’re going to take my creativity from me through my vagina.”

Sex is a creative act in itself, if not procreative. It fans the creative spark; it does not deplete it. But how does a man take the creativity of a woman through her vagina? Copulation between a man and a woman involves penetrating the woman’s orifice with his penis. Does Ms. GaGa’s creativity travel into the hole in the tip of the penis, and up into his urethra, from there to his liver and eventually to his brain? [Read more →]

Tags: art & entertainment, his & hers by Ricky Sprague
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Kelly Conaboy, beautiful and influential humorist, dies at 101

Kelly Conaboy, beautiful woman and writer of many popular humorous novels and television shows and movies that everyone loved, died Saturday at one of her homes in a scenic part of Europe. She was 101.

Her daughter, Kelley Conaboy, confirmed the death Sunday morning, reporting that her mother had died of her own will. Not like a suicide, really, because — let me explain. Kelly had spent her last 76 years in her 25-year-old body, except slightly taller and without the health problems, after ingesting something (?) by accident in 2012 that allowed this to happen. It was like Tuck Everlasting, except she was able to kill herself whenever she wanted. So I guess it was pretty much like a suicide. [Read more →]

Tags: creative writing, getting older by Kelly Conaboy
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Fred’s dreams extra!

Hello, readers. I have never addressed you directly in this column, but I have some wonderful news. My performance therapist, Dr. Guenther Spiegelvogel, is in the United States for a lengthy visit and he has agreed to let me share some of our work on this blog.

As it is said in the Talmud, “A dream left uninterpreted is like a letter left unopened.” For the next few weeks, Spiegelvogel will help me open my psychic mail in this column. Feel free to reply with your own interpretations. –Fred

Tags: Fred's dreams by Fred Siegel
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Gail sees a movie: Dinner for Schmucks

Dinner for Schmucks has two main problems. It is not very funny and not very interesting. This is a shame, because there is lots of comic talent languishing in this film. The initial idea has potential, but this film collapses under the weight of the poor screenplay by David Guion and Michael Handelman. Yes, it apparently takes two men to write a bad screenplay. [Read more →]

Tags: Gail sees a movie, movies by Gail D. Rosen
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Lindsay Lohan needs to find her inner diva

Birds flying high, you know how she feels. Sun in the sky, you know how she feels. Breeze driftin’ on by, you know how she feels. It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life…and LiLo’s feeling good. That’s right, kids, Lindsay Lohan is a free woman. So now that she knows why the caged bird sings…what’s next? There’s been a lot of speculation on what LiLo’s first move should be, post-prison. Sit on Oprah’s couch? Embark on a spiritual retreat? Take a wild, girlish stab at acting? Nay! The question, dear friends, is not what Lindsay should do; it’s who Lindsay should become. [Read more →]

Tags: art & entertainment, Meg gives advice to famous people by Meg Boyle
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The political class thinks of itself as the ruling class

Recently, as I sat in a booth at my favorite luncheonette — Mr. G’s at 12th and Callowhill — waiting for my lunch to arrive, I did something I actually don’t do very often: I read the City Paper.

The big piece seemed to be one written by someone named Jeffrey C. Billman suggesting that we get serious about the national debt. One of the sub-heads caught my eye: “Spending cuts are not the answer.”

To be fair, the article itself does say that “spending cuts may be part of the equation.” That still didn’t strike me as being especially serious. After all, one sure way to cut down on debt is to stop spending so much. It’s not just part of the equation; it’s the essential part. [Read more →]

Tags: money, that's what he said, by Frank Wilson by Frank Wilson
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Bad sports, good sports: North Korea takes its soccer very seriously

I am often amazed at the regularity with which the world reminds me that many other cultures are not at all like ours. It is easy to believe that those differences make others uncivilized or backward, and much harder to see them as simply different. I am sure there are many people out there who have a greater ability to see the beauty and value in variety than I do. Even those people, though, might have a little bit of trouble understanding what happened with the North Korean national soccer team this week. [Read more →]

Tags: bad sports, good sports by Alan Spoll
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