10. For in-flight meals, the main course is whatever birds fly into the engines.

9. Pay toilets and a five-drink minimum.

8. During cold and flu season, all afflicted passengers are entitled to one suck off the communal lozenge.

7. Standing room only.

6. In-flight entertainment consists of three gay flight attendants doing their version of Streetcar.

5. Salted peanuts: Free. Bottled water: $10 a bottle.

4. Oxygen mask compartments replaced with overpriced vending machine snacks.

3. All meals: BYOB.

2. Copilots considered “optional.”

1. Seatbelt rentals.
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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