10. Instead of freakishly large floppy shoes, the funniest shoes the clowns can afford are size 15

9. The ‘fire eater’ is just some guy chomping on extra spicy chili peppers

8. Their ‘clown’ is a transvestite Lady Gaga impersonator

7. The trapeze artiste has a seatbelt

6. The ‘bearded lady’ has a suspicious bulge in the groinal area

5. The supposed ‘baby elephant’ looks suspiciously like a bulldog that’s been ‘altered’

4. The cotton candy is guaranteed 100% cotton

3. Twenty clowns don’t pile out of a teeny weeny car, just one really fat clown

2. When you look closely at the tamer’s lion, there’s a zipper

1. Instead of popcorn, they sell trail mix made from tent sweepings
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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