Welcome back to another edition of “Audio Files,” the world’s most amorphous music column. Last week, we discussed groupies, white noise, and cosmonautical hoaxes. This week, the staff is amped ‘cuz our backstage passes to the Keith Urban show finally arrived. (Scott, fire up that sweet ride of yours; you, me, ‘n the boys are gonna freak out the squares all night long. Just like a Thin Lizzy song.)

NEWS

• Blue whales have perfect pitch.
• German organ will play continuous music for 639 years.
• Is a tinnitus cure in the works?
• John Cougar says some fantastic stuff about atomic bombs.
• Man or Astroman? will tour the East Coast. November 7 is the date for all you Philly people.
• Nearly 20% of teens have hearing loss.
• NFL refs serenade Heinz Field with expletives.
• Pop Matters gives a thumbs up to the new Max Richter album. (More on Richter here.)
• Sleep in heavenly peace, Esteban.
• Slayer will release an all-vinyl boxset on October 12.
• Sonic boom in Seattle!
• The New York Times explores noise pollution.
• The Orb and David Gilmour will interface for your retail pleasure on October 5.
• Wang Chung: back from the dead.

TWEET OF THE WEEK

How ’bout Neil Hamburger’s seamless merger of thoughts involving the Perseid Meteor Shower, liquid orgasms, and Mick Jagger.

OBSCURE 80s FLASHBACK

I recently dropped this Jackson Browne-Clarence Clemons ear-worm on blogging comrade Substitute, and he didn’t respond well at all.

HEATING UP MY PLAYIST

• Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, “Love Letter.” Earlier this week I expressed a desire to have “relations” with this song. Per Slobberchop, I’ll use protection — specifically, extra-padded headphones.
• The 6ths, “He Didn’t.” The 6ths belong to multi-band man Stephen Merritt. “Didn’t” features Bob Mould on vocals, and I barely recognized the ol’ Minneapolis warhorse at first. Pretty ditty.

SYMPHONIC FLICKR

• Billiards table at Graceland. (Please do not touch.)
• Innita, bless her heart, supplies beautifully NSFW depictions of the female form and musical instruments.
• Would you like to sing with Mitch? (BTW, rest in peace, Mitch.)

GENRE OF THE WEEK

Hey, let’s slather ourselves in Danger Music! We’ll crush everyone with bulldozers.

SAILING THE SEAS OF YOU TUBE (AND BEYOND)

• A recording studio made from hay.
• Do some turkey trottin’ and all your cares will be forgotten.
• From longtime friend (and righteous bass player) Evan Lucas comes the gift of Big Pooh.
• Learn about the Bebot synth.
• This Carl Sagan-Stephen Hawking duet is teeming with goodness.
• Was Mitch Miller (yeah, him again) the mastermind behind the worst Sinatra song ever? (Miller caught hell for “the Hucklebuck,” too, though I can’t imagine what sick sonofabitch might find fault with that song.)
• Here’s a mash-up of the Jackson Five and Nirvana. I wish I knew how to “mash” because I have a vision of Springsteen’s “Stolen Car” melding with Prince’s “Raspberry Beret” over the spindle-hole of Arrested Development’s “People Everyday.”  I’d also like a synthesis of Tom Jones and Glenn Danzig. (Maybe “Where Eagles Dare” vs. “Green Green Grass of Home.” Would that harden your knackwurst?)
• Speaking of Glenn, if you’d like to approximate the effect of ipecac, then please read Yahoo Answers’ cerebral comparison of Glenn and hulking feminist Henry Rollins. (You can’t add your two cents to the historic debate, though. Yahoo categorizes the issue as “resolved.”)

RANDOM SHARDS OF SONIC INFORMATION

• Duran Duran covers Public Enemy’s “911 is a Joke.” (Via the same site: Olivia Newton-John does “Ring of Fire.”)
• Jimmy Page and physicist Michio Kaku — dopplegangers?
• Man with no arms plays the piano.
• Rev. Norb from Boris the Sprinkler keeps a dream journal here.

UNCLOTHED MUSICIAN OF THE MOMENT

This week’s trophy goes to Erykah Badu, nude and riddled with bullets.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

“The Arcade Fire“…why?

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