Kelly Conaboy, beautiful woman and writer of many popular humorous novels and television shows and movies that everyone loved, died Saturday at one of her homes in a scenic part of Europe. She was 101.

Her daughter, Kelley Conaboy, confirmed the death Sunday morning, reporting that her mother had died of her own will. Not like a suicide, really, because — let me explain. Kelly had spent her last 76 years in her 25-year-old body, except slightly taller and without the health problems, after ingesting something (?) by accident in 2012 that allowed this to happen. It was like Tuck Everlasting, except she was able to kill herself whenever she wanted. So I guess it was pretty much like a suicide.

You would think Kelly would have used her perpetually youthful state to attract young men, even when she was actually very old, but you would be wrong. When she was 26, Kelly married a somewhat-famous, good-looking, very funny, charming, and talented musician, probably with an accent, who was in a great band. Lots of people wanted to marry her, but Kelly chose this one and he felt very, very lucky.

Kelly and her husband had a wonderful life together, even though her husband continued to age while Kelly stayed young and beautiful. It speaks to Kelly’s selflessness and decency that she never strayed once from her old husband, when she could have had pretty much anyone she wanted.

When Kelly’s husband died at 76, though, she did begin to date lots of young, famous actors and musicians.
Kelly’s career pretty much began in the second half of her 23rd year, suddenly, after not a whole lot of work on her part because she was very talented. Just one day, out of nowhere, she got a phone call from the New Yorker’s “Shouts & Murmurs” department. “We’re so sorry, please forgive us,” said a voice on the other line. “What? Who is this?” asked Kelly in response – it could have been a number of people. “It’s someone from ‘Shouts & Murmurs,’ we just realized that instead of telling you that we love your writing and really want to put a lot of it in our stupid magazine, we’ve been sending you form rejection letters.” “That makes more sense,” responded Kelly. So they put a lot of it in the magazine and Kelly got a book deal and sold lots and lots of books and then wrote some really good screenplays and had a great idea for a TV show, then she made that TV show and it was a hit.

For her efforts, Kelly won many awards. She always looked great at the award ceremonies and her speeches were always humble, charming, smart, funny, and, above all, grateful. Like Tina Fey or if Conan O’Brien won awards, only even better.

As we mentioned earlier, Kelly was a very selfless and decent person. As she neared her 101st birthday, she believed it was time for her to make way for the next generation of beautiful humorists and time to leave all of her billions of dollars to Kelley and some really important charities, and also to some not-so-important charities.

So, she killed herself by taking a lot of pills.

Her suicide note was very funny.

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