Top ten excuses if you still haven’t filed your taxes
10. “Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck both claim paying taxes contributes to socialism.”
9. “Wealthy people who are exceptionally good-looking should be exempt.”
8. “On April first, I got an e-mail saying that, as part of the stimulus package, there was a tax moratorium this year.”
7. “Trying to use the Qualified Dividends and Capital Gains Tax Worksheet, I got a severe brain cramp.”
6. “My buddy at the post office said he could backdate my return.”
5. “After I claim all the voices in my head as deductions, it turns out they owe me money!”
4. “This year, in the box labeled ‘For Office Use Only,’ I just plan to write ‘Approved – Send massive refund!’”
3. “Fill out a tax form?! I can’t even get my VCR to stop blinking ‘12:00’!”
2. “My accountant said I could deduct my late fees.”
1. “I just woke up from my New Year’s Eve party.”
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.
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No. 11: Only little people pay taxes.
Wait a minute: Little people with no money AREN’T paying taxes.
Rich people pay too much and poor people don’t pay enough. So why should I pay taxes?
Never mind. Go back to No. 10.