10. Your “exclusive beachside accommodations” have a half moon on the door

9. The only alcohol in your hotel is in the mouthwash

8. The “meal plan” is all you can catch with your bare hands

7. The only ‘girls’ you’ve seen all week have unusually large hands and Adam’s apples

6. You’ve spent most of it sitting on the runway waiting for your pilots to sober up

5. The closest thing you’ve gotten to a tan came from some poison ivy you sat in

4. When the travel agent told you you’d get some action, he never once mentioned the word ‘Afghanistan’

3. The guy running the Bungee jump doesn’t know how to subtract

2. The “ocean view” requires you to tune in to Channel 4

1. What you thought was a mint left on your pillow just crawled away
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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