Going Parental: Mom forces son to kill hamster — seriously

What? That’s not normal? Apparently, to Lynn Middlebrooks Geter, it is. She forced her son to kill his hamster ^[1] as punishment for receiving poor grades in school. What happened to time outs? Or no Play Station ^[2] for a week? Kill your hamster? Really? I wonder at what point Lynn’s head imploded and she thought to herself, “I know. I’ll make the little bastard kill his hamster with a hammer. That’ll teach him to fail social studies!”She is currently being held in jail and faces one charge each of animal cruelty, child cruelty and battery.

Can we all just take a moment and in unison say, “What. The. Fuck?!” Who does shit like this? How can any sane woman pick up a hammer, place it in her 12-year-old’s hand and say, “You got a D in Science? Go kill your hamster!”

Shit, I feel like a total douche when I give my daughter a three minute time out. And time outs in my house consist of putting her in her room — surrounded by toys and princesses and all sorts of fun shit — closing the door, and making her stay in there for three minutes while she thinks about what she did wrong — or plays dress-up, I’m not really sure what the hell goes on in there.

But I sure as hell know there isn’t a hammer in sight, nor is there a hamster, because really? Ew. Hamsters are gross. They’re rodents ^[3]. Sorry to all you hamster lovers out there. I just don’t get you people. Unless it barks or meows, it’s not coming in my house.

This whole thing makes me wonder. Was Lynn the kind of parent that hit her son regularly? Never? Once in a blue moon? Was she generally a reserved parent that just snapped one day? I can’t help but wonder what could possibly have led to this event.

Discipline in general is such a gray and undefined area for parents today. Our parents had it so easy. They cracked wooden spoons over our asses, threw shoes at us, shouted at us in public and dragged us — kicking and screaming — out of stores… by our little, easily dis-locatable arms — and nobody had a thing to say about it. It was acceptable. And it worked. Kids were afraid of getting hit or humiliated in public because for one thing, getting hit fucking hurts. And getting hit or even yelled at in public or in front of your friends is even worse. It’s embarrassing.

But that was then.

Today everything has changed. Today, parents are so afraid to discipline their kids out of fear that they’ll be judged, or told on at school and find social services at their front door one day, that they often have no clue at all what to do. I’m not advocating hitting. Although, I won’t lie, there have been times when I’ve considered it — mostly other people’s kids though, not mine.

My friend Tara made an excellent point one day. I was jokingly discussing the idea of “bringing hitting back” and she said, “There are times I’ve wanted to, but am so glad I didn’t because then I could never say to my daughters, ‘We don’t hit. Does mommy ever hit? No!'” It’s an excellent point. If you truly believe that you lead by example, then there is no question. How can I tell my daughter we don’t hit and hitting is wrong if I’m smacking her around when she’s bad? I can’t. I won’t.

That’s why I just grab her arm really tight and squeeze it until she screams. It’s a trick my mom taught me. It’s called the grab. If you’re unfamiliar, you can read about it here ^[4].

Going Parental appears every Thursday. Lynn Middlebrooks Geter is due to appear before a judge any day now.