This Christmas, I’m keeping it simple. I desire one item and one item only. No socks, no underwear. No chocolate anus gag gifts either. I want the God Helmet.

In short, I want easy access to the so-called divine, and I don’t want to spend big money on an ayahuasca trek through the backwaters of the Amazon to get it. Nor do I want to spend 48 hours meditating in a sweat lodge. I want divine illumination on-demand.

Enter Dr. Michael Persinger’s God Helmet, a device that supposedly emulates “paranormal” experiences (e.g. angelic encounters, alien abductions) via electromagnetic pulses that fondle the temporal lobe.

Apparently, the degree of success one has with this contraption correlates directly to one’s proclivity for religiosity, fantasy, etc. Thus, for stone-cold secularists like me, the God Helmet might be as anticlimactic as X-ray specs from the Johnson Smith Company. Richard Dawkins once took the God Helmet for a ride and reported no notable effects. His colleague, Michael Shermer, made an attempt too, with only minor success.

I’m anxious to make my own attempt. Sadly, though, the closest retail approximation of the helmet, the “Shiva Neural Technology” kit, sells for a whopping $649.00 U.S. dollars. That ain’t chump change. Moreover, the hefty price tag isn’t the only disincentive for shoppers. The Web site for the Shiva Neural Technology kit — which appears to have some loose affiliation with Persinger — offers “telephone spiritual coaching” and an overriding New Age vibe. Disconcerting.

Notably, skeptics of the helmet exist outside the scientific realm of Dawkins and Shermer. Elements of the lunatic fringe have expressed concern that Persinger (or shall we call him Magneto?) might use his powers of magnetism to hatch a devious mind-control scheme.

Perhaps it’s unfair to mock the conspiracy theorist crowd, though. Persinger’s technology has the potential to pose some challenging ethical questions, provided the science behind it is legit. That’s where things get murky. In 2004, some Swedes unsuccessfully tried to replicate Persinger’s findings and determined that “suggestibility may account for previously reported effects.”

Nevertheless, anyone familiar with the deep-fried dystopia of modern living can fathom other uses for a truly functional God Helmet. “Non-lethal” weaponry is one. In the hands of the U.S. military, the God Helmet could become an ass-kicking Freedom Sombrero. Such a device could transmit “messages from Allah” to War on Terror detainees, programming them to paint loving portraits of Barack Obama and watch the “700 Club.” (It’s not exactly far-fetched; Jon Ronson has shown that the U.S. military will throw anything at a wall to see if it sticks.)

I realize I’m getting ahead of myself. Please forgive the repugnant detour into neoconservative fantasy. The God Helmet technology appears to be in its infancy, at best. Or maybe ineffectual alterations of consciousness are the best it has to offer.

Still…it sits atop my Christmas 2009 wish list. I implore you, in the name of God and Heaven Almighty — make this wish a reality.

About Michael Cade

Tags: religion & philosophy, science //