November 1, 2009
I dream I have won a tiny fish at a carnival, and I keep him alive in a drinking glass by feeding him the crumbs of a saltine cracker. After various scrapes with death, the fish winds up in a tank in my kitchen, but I don’t know how the tank got there. Furthermore, it seems as if this fish had a baby fish. Then, when I wake up a subsequent morning, there is a huge tank with two enormous fish, two small fish, plus a large octopus. It becomes clear later that the octopus is really a guy who admonishes me for not taking care of my fish.

October 17, 2009
I dream I am at Coney Island with Gail and we wind up on top of sand dunes filled with rock formations. I am terrified, so I go down them cautiously. Gail, however, is fearless, and she tumbles down backwards like a cross between an X-Man and an acrobat. We look for a bathroom and find a church where they sell folded baby sharks as pets. I buy one and it unfolds itself viciously so I throw it away. A few minutes later when we are eating dinner, we get word that someone has been mangled by one of the baby sharks. I know it’s mine.

August 26, 1994
I dream Dan and I are shopping in a department store and we run into Don Knotts, who is lying in a vat of neckties. I say, “Look who it is, Dan. Don Knotts. Pleasure to meet you, sir,” and we have a little chat. I tell him I admired his work in The Incredible Mr. Limpet, and he asks me if I ever read the book. I say “No,” and he says “It bombed.” Then I accidentally spray saliva on him.

Fred’s Dreams appears every Wednesday.

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