Top ten signs you’ve chosen the wrong college

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10. All your professors also work in the cafeteria.

9. Its Latin motto is actually written in Pig Latin.

8. All of the library books have already been colored in.

7. It boasts “a graduation rate higher than most District of Columbia high schools.”

6. The student center has an onsite bail bondsman.

5. All the dissecting in biology class is done on roadkill.

4. Its most notable alumnus is Howie Mandell.

3. In the Jeopardy College Championship, it lost to Hamburger U.

2. The dean giggles every time he hears the work ‘matriculate’.

1. Instead of the S.A.T., you just have to pass a urine test.
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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