I don’t know if Tyler Weinman is guilty of mutilating cats and terrorizing pet owners in South Florida. I am even more allergic to cats than I am to Brendan Fraser (at least, they make me sneeze more), but whatever you think of cats or any animal or animal rights, obviously it’s wrong to mutilate someone else’s pet and leave it for them to find. [Read more →]
As a Yankee fan, I find it comforting to know there’s at least one sport franchise making them look like a softball team sponsored by a local tanning parlor. When Florentino Perez became the president of Spain’s Real Madrid football club, he vowed to restore their glory days. Real Madrid has been the most successful team in the world and boasted many of its greatest players, such as Zinedine Zidane (you know, the head-butter). Recent years have been less glamorous though and with archrival Barcelona owning the world’s top player (Lionel Messi) and having completed the most successful season in Spanish history, Perez faced a disillusioned fan base and a towering challenge. [Read more →]
June 10, 2009
I dream I am in a faceoff with three men. One suddenly runs with superhuman speed towards a mirror and disappears into another dimension. I am left facing a vampire and a man with a mysterious hole in his back. I have in my hand a hook-like contraption that shoots, but I know that before I can shoot it I have to cock it, and by the time I cock it the man with the hole in his back will kill me. The man demands that I take my hook-like instrument, stick it into the hole in his back and see if it does anything. I know he’s toying with me, but I obey. He points out that it’s not killing him, but it’s very painful. I pull the weapon out immediately. The vampire is amused.
The path to book publication for “young” poets typically involves entering at least one (more often many) first book contest. The oldest, and perhaps most prestigious, of these contests is the Yale Series of Younger Poets, which began in 1919. Since then, under the banner of the series, Yale University Press has had the opportunity to introduce the world to books such as Muriel Rukeyser’s Theories of Flight, W.S. Merwin’s A Mask for Janus, John Ashbery’s Some Trees, and Carolyn Forché’s Gathering the Tribes. [Read more →]
On a cnn.com story today about a stuntman, the following appears (for now, at least):
“For an explosion shot in the movie, I was heading right toward a tanker,” he said. “I swerved around (it) and was head on with a remotely controlled ambulance, (which was) on fire. If I had fallen and it would of hit me, I would have been bone dead.”
This was probably not written by the stuntman, Monte Perlin. He probably spoke these words. And what he said was “would’ve hit me.” But a professional journalist wrote it as “would of.” And no professional journalist editor caught the error. Of course, “would’ve” means “would have,” which is what Perlin is saying. “Would of” means nothing. We’re not professional journalists. If we were, we would of made the same mistake.
Burt (John Krasinski) and Verona (Maya Rudolph) are a thirty-something, deeply-in-love unmarried couple expecting their first child but, lacking stable careers and roots, they still feel like children themselves. Burt and Verona take to the road, ostensibly to find a place to raise their child. But the real journey involves visiting friends and family while they try to decide what kind of parents they want to be. In this movie that has both comic and serious moments, the individual moments are better than the whole film. [Read more →]
Leaving home for work in the mornings, I found I was occasionally leaving something behind. My train pass. My ID badge. My keys, sunglasses, phone, wallet. So I made a list on my phone which I check every now and then — not every day, mind you, but on those days when I have that nagging feeling I must be forgetting something. [Read more →]
“Nature alone is antique, and the oldest art a mushroom.”
This week the star of my local Farmers Market was undeniably the mushroom! Portobello, Shiitake, Morel, Oyster, Maitake, Crimini….all that and more! [Read more →]
Apparently, this is going to be my summer of “literature classics the way I wish they had been written.” In Honors English, I was not terribly fond of King Lear, although I like Shakespeare in general. The play just had too many betrayals, too many people meeting bad ends when they deserved better (I know, I know, tragedy and all that) for me to really enjoy it, but I didn’t care about them enough to be really moved by it. This is a tale that would never have made it past the high school censors, but that every student would be able to recite, chapter and verse. This isn’t a story about a king and his daughters. According to Pocket, King Lear’s jester, and his apprentice, Drool, this is a story about just one thing… heinous fuckery.
Recently, I quoted on my blog something by the 17th-century Jesuit Baltasar Gracián: “Nothing really belongs to us but time, which even he has who has nothing else.” Later on, my friend Susan Balée posted a comment: “Odd how many of us want to “kill” this sole possession.”
All of which, not surprisingly, got me thinking about time, which is as mysterious as life itself. [Read more →]
It’s about time The Bachelorette changed its format and moved locations, even if that new location is Canada. Was that really Canada? I’m actually in Canada right now… Toronto to be exact. It’s a nice city, but their KitKat’s taste different. However, I’ve heard Whistler is amazing and I’ve heard right.
On another note… Jilly? Really? Really. [Read more →]
I first read Jane Austen’s Mansfield Park on the recommendation of Vladimir Nabokov, who, in his Lectures on Literature said, “Mansfield Park is the work of a lady and the game of a child. But from that workbasket comes exquisite needlework art, and there is a streak of marvelous genius in that child.” [Read more →]
I will start this by saying that I am not a fan of Lakers coach Phil Jackson. Sure, he is clearly a great coach. Lots of championships make that fairly obvious. I have always thought, though, that he was a bit of an arrogant, elitist snob. His whole “Zen master” thing seemed a bit bogus to me. I know well, though, that I have often disliked the extremely accomplished players and coaches from teams other than the ones for whom I root. His resume certainly does speak for itself. [Read more →]
10. The Bee Gees’ “Stayin’ Alive”
9. The Three Degrees’ “When Will I See You Again”
8. Wham!’s “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go”
7. Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive”
6. Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On”
5. Lesley Gore’s “It’s My Party and I’ll Cry If I Want To”
4. Queen’s “Another One Bites the Dust”
3. Bobby McFerrin’s “Don’t Worry Be Happy”
2. Amii Stewart’s “(You Better) Knock On Wood”
1. The Bee Gees’ “How Deep Is Your Love”
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.
Walking back from the shops just now, I passed what looked like a kid’s birthday party: balloons, noise, wailing, blood, the usual. A mother was chastising her son: “No! You’re going to be in BIG TROUBLE!” It’s clear that children need to be disciplined but I don’t find these off-the-peg chidings very effective. What we need are the right kind of punishments. I am uniquely qualified to offer advice to parents: I know nothing about children, so I see the matter with a proper detachment. My conclusions are wholly scientific. [Read more →]
Given the sad role reversal between the Yankees and Red Sox over the past five years, this commercial, funny in its own right, is even funnier — even to me, loathesome Yankee fan. It’s been around for a little while so you may have seen it. Even so I still think you’ll enjoy!
I’m surprised it’s taken officials in New York City six months to plan the execution of 2,000 Canada geese. I figured the birds would be murdered within days of America’s favorite new superhero, Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger, landing crippled US Airways Flight 1549 in the Hudson River. [Read more →]
When I first saw The Matrix back in 1999, I instantly became fascinated with its “virtual reality world” concept. At the time, and for many years afterwards, I saw the theme as a metaphor for the illusionary material world we live in — a world of time, space, and the assumption that we are all separate individuals. My belief, in line with what I had taken from kabbalah, was that in reality, we were all one united energy force. Call it God, the light, Buddha, Allah, the universe, sentient energy, whatever. The point was that this energy created our illusionary world in order to experience itself. After all, since it was an all-knowing, all-powerful energy, existence was pretty boring. This energy wanted to experience the one thing it couldn’t know: what it was like to not be it. So, it created an imaginary world of time and space and separated itself there into different material elements that eventually evolved into human beings. [Read more →]
I hear people say “that was the worst movie ever” all the time, but what really makes something THE WORST? The objectively worst movie ever was probably never released, but the subjective one… [Read more →]
Entertainment Weekly‘s Nicole Sperling asks, “What happened to movies made for grown ups?” Her article’s point is that all audiences want these days is to be entertained. We don’t want anything serious or artistic — just car chases and special effects and escape. It’s a hard time to be making movies for grown ups, since grown ups aren’t buying tickets for movies made for grown ups. [Read more →]
Before we get to the part where I write about all the things you moms out there think but are too afraid to say, I thought I would take a moment to tell you a little bit about my childhood and the parenting style that gave birth to the genius that stands before you. [Read more →]
Many years ago when I was a young bachelor I brought home to my apartment a young girl I met in a bar.
While I was preparing a couple of drinks for us she looked over the books in my library.
“You have a lot of books on death,” she said in a questioning tone, noting the numerous titles of books on crime history, true crime and crime fiction, as well those on espionage, terrorism and military history.
Oh great. It wasn’t bad enough that every hack headline writer forced to slap a four-word précis on an article they didn’t understand has been using this bromide to bludgeon creativity into a senseless mess for years, now some kind of institution that claims to have expertise about language has elevated this linguistic turd by declaring it the one-millionth word in the English language. [Read more →]
I was on a road trip last weekend. One of the stops on our wondrous and fulfilling journey was The World’s Largest Baseball Bat. When I arrived I felt like I had been swindled by Barnum.
[Read more →]
According to my cousin Carrie and my Grandmother, I’m the best dancer (or so I think ;o). Turns out, I can’t dance… at all. I’m so happy SYTYCD is back and here’s why:
Jeanine & Phillip — When I saw these two paired together the first thing I thought was lucky her. Not only has Phillip gotten lots of air time this season (and last), but he is ridiculous. His body moves like no body should move. [Read more →]
If you’ve noticed something missing in your life in the last two weeks, I have to tell you, it’s been me. As an almost college graduate, I’ve had a lot of things to do over the past few weeks (worrying, reminiscing, drinking) which have precluded doing whatever it is I do here every Thursday. Thankfully I’ve been able to take a break from those things for a moment and check in over here. I have to say, though, my mind is still on graduating. As a young girl wise beyond her years, I feel like I should let other college graduates in on a little of the advice (my own) I’ll be following once I take off the cap and gown and enter the world of money and fame. Unfortunately, my crippling anxiety has kept me from making any friends over the past few years, so I have no outlet but this.
It’s lame you can’t make noise during a tennis match, but you can charge on the court and touch star players so it evens out. During what might have been the biggest match in tennis history (Roger Federer won the French Open to complete a career Grand Slam, tie Pete Sampras for the most major titles, and, coupled with his recent clay court championship over nemesis Rafael Nadal at the Madrid Open, flatten the final arguments he isn’t the greatest player of all-time), a Barcelona F.C. fan rushed on the court. And not just on the court, but directly at Federer. And he wasn’t content with reaching Roger; he then forcibly put a beret on Roger’s head. [Read more →]
May 22, 2009
I dream I am at the buffet outside the Broadway show, Wicked. A family stops me and insists I sit with them. I say I have to sit with my wife, but they absolutely have to talk to me. The woman holds my hand and starts reading my fortune. She tells me a number of things about myself that are true, but also sort of obvious. I tell her that she is full of shit and if she tries to talk to me again I’m going to call the police. Then, when I sit down with my wife, a woman walks by and says she needs money for a new vagina. I tell her new vaginas are at the other end of the buffet. Finally, I try to put on my shoes in front of an audio animatronic Oz diorama. My shoes, however, are baby-sized. The servers are amazed that I get my feet into them. [Read more →]
I wish I had read this sooner.
Palestine, written and Drawn by Joe Sacco, is an odd sort of a graphic novel. It is almost 300 pages long and divided into only nine chapters. The chapters are fragmented adventures of a journalist who has set out to record his experiences in the form of a graphic novel. Sometimes the story goes on for twenty plus pages and sometimes the story is only a page long. And most oddly, there isn’t a lot of action. The cells are almost entirely filled with faces. [Read more →]
After Georgia (Nia Vadalos) loses her job as a classics professor in a Greek university, she takes a job as a tour guide. Georgia wants to show the tour group the ancient wonders of Greece, but her groups want fun-filled tours of the beach and shops. My Life in Ruins is like one of those latter vacations. There is not much substance, but it sure is fun. [Read more →]
