10. Every night: free back rubs.

9. The prison laundry offers one-hour Martinizing.

8. His inmate number will be unlisted.

7. Every Saturday night, there’s a mixer with the nearby women’s prison.

6. The prison cafeteria features an open bar.

5. His cell features open bars.

4. Every inmate gets a choice of three premium channels.

3. His conjugal visits include a Jacuzzi.

2. Every summer, he’s allowed to stay at his beach cell in Avalon.

1. If things get too rough, Bernie and his buddies have a daring plan to go “over the hedge!”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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