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Top ten summer vacation ideas for people on a tight budget

10. If you’re drunk enough, slides of past vacations might seem like the real thing.

9. Instead of Fourth of July fireworks, have everyone in your family try closing their eyes and rubbing them.

8. Take your kids for “A Day at the Zoo”; PetSmart doesn’t charge admission.

7. If your local high school athletic field has sand in its pole vault pit, you and your family can set up beach chairs.

6. Instead of Disneyland, take your kids to Dizzyland. The admission is a lot cheaper, their Tea Cups Ride spins a lot faster, and your kids won’t feel like eating a bunch of expensive snacks.

5. With the right mindset, ferry boats are just miniature cruise ships.

4. If your kids have their hearts set on summer camp, there are a number of religious cults willing to take them in for free.

3. Swimming pool? Bathtub? I mean, water is water!

2. Dinner at Taco Bell is like a trip to Mexico – without the drug cartels or dysentery!

1. Eat baked beans before getting into the wading pool and – voila! – you’ve got your own Jacuzzi!

 
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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3 Responses to “Top ten summer vacation ideas for people on a tight budget”

  1. Very funny as always — but in item number 10, wouldn’t you be concerned that the “viola” would warp?

  2. Oops, I made my own mistake. I forgot that you were counting down. That soon-to-be-warped viola is in item number 1.

  3. Oops, my bad! Thank you for that! It’s now been fixed!

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