May 23, 2009
I dream I have a new method of subduing a snake. I leave a phone book opened and wait for a snake to slither across its pages. Then, using a long stick, I flip the phone book closed. It doesn’t hurt the snake, but it’s just heavy enough to keep the snake from moving around. I am proud of my innovation.

May 11, 2008
I dream my sister-in-law, Deborah, drops me off at a gigantic magic shop in an imaginary section of Northeast Philadelphia. I walk past the book shelves, where I see Frank Garcia’s Super Subtle Card Miracles has been published as a graphic novel. Then, I head back to the performance area, but no one is performing. Secretly, I hope someone will ask me to do a trick, but no one does. Instead, a worker there accuses me of dressing like a schlump. I want Gail to pick me up, but I fail at dialing her phone number.

June 21, 1998
I dream I am at Home Depot where, amidst the screwdrivers, I find a tabloid publication written by my friend, Bob. The publication is all about Bob’s accomplishments as well as ads for his friends’ performances. I am jealous and when Bob shows up I give him sarcasm and invective. He tells me it’s a simple matter to publish such a newsletter and I ought to do one myself. As I look for back issues, I discover that Bob publishes a line of workbooks for schoolchildren as well.

“Fred’s Dreams” appears every Wednesday.

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