10. He’s wearing a disabled electronic ankle bracelet

9. The title of his talk: “Your Future at Hamburger U.”

8. His entire speech is in the dits and dahs of Morse Code

7. His speech is half over, and he’s already mentioned Scientology 63 times

6. First name: Rod. Last name: Blagojevich.

5. After introducing his imaginary friend Pedro, he sits by while Pedro delivers a 90-minute address

4. You recognize him from when he sold you a Slurpee last night at your local 7-Eleven

3. He keeps referring to Barack Obama as the “leader of the Great Satan”

2. His ultimate uplifting message: “If life hands you shit, make shit sandwiches”

1. He spends two hours talking about the superiority of Amway products

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