Wednesday, May 6, 2009, is Hump Day for our national Teacher Appreciation Week, a week we appreciate only on weekdays — May 4 to May 8 — according to the Yahoo note which informed me of such week last night.

So I arose this morning not with the alacrity, wit, and wide smile of some of my favorite educators; rather, I experienced an acute anxiety attack as I understood I had not yet done enough to appreciate teachers this week.

This then I say unto thee educators, professors, teachers, rabbis, and mentors throughout the land:

1. Mad props to all teachin’ fools and countryfolk! This for y’all; we kickin’ it old school 24/7, K through 12.
2. And I’d like to send a special shout out to the teachin’ peeps in my life– family, friends, coworkers, and classmates!
3. I proclaim that before we try to hold teachers accountable, we need to reduce class size, improve classroom funding, and support our educators for fifty-one other weeks this year while we hold politicians, parents, and businesspeople accountable. (I admit you’ve heard that kind of thing before.)
4. Oprah loves teachers and so do I! I am experiencing transmogrification; I am becoming one who says, “I love Oprah!” And then I shriek down the aisle, receive her full-body embrace, and whisper in her ear, “Oprah, let’s do a show where you invite teachers to get the new car, and let them choose between a black BMW, pink Caddy, and a Prius.”
5. I remember a fun T-shirt from my youth, “Teachers do it with class,” and I feel it is a pity we see too many national stories today about trolls, cougars, and other pervs on the prowl taking a too-sincere approach to that independent clause. (Author’s note: I do not love criminals who happen to work as teachers.)

Please, party people, if you see a teacher this week, do not merely offer a hug or a thank you.  Help out the poor educator by grabbing half a stack of her papers and grading a few. Better yet, offer a shoulder massage or buy lunch!

About Alex Kudera

Tags: diatribes, education //