Lindsay Lohan makes a funny
Lindsay Lohan teamed up with the guys at Funny or Die and made a mock eHarmony profile video. It is too funny to miss. Love her or hate her, this took balls.
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Easy weeknight dinners: The Dave Sandwich
My husband is not a big fan of sandwiches. He will do turkey and cheese but not too much else. Several years ago I was trying to find another one that he would enjoy…this is what we came up with and it is now a serious family staple, especially during the busy work-week. I usually make some homemade steak fries and/or a green salad to go with it.
Reality check: Dancing With the Tards
Dancing With The Stars is a stupid show. It’s clear that the producers pick one to three contestants each season that are decent dancers, and with training can become relatively good when compared to their professional counterparts. The rest suck. We get it. [Read more →]
Lisa reads: Badlands by Richard Montanari
If you’re going to write great cop fiction, you need two things: great cops and great villains. Richard Montanari has both in his Philadelphia police series and his latest installment, Badlands, delivers an exceptionally creepy villain. [Read more →]
Death and the importance of imagination
“In memory of Nicholas Serafine. Pray for him.” These words are inscribed on a brass plate attached to a small rack of votive candles in the rear of St. Paul’s Church in South Philadelphia. [Read more →]
Lauren likes TV: The Hills are alive with the sound of awful
Last Week’s Roundup
The Hills (Monday, MTV, 10PM) — “Fun question”… who loathes The Hills? I know we were all on the edge of our seats to watch the Lauren and Heidi reconciliation. Psych. But Brody and Spencer did! I bet Brody really regrets Bromance now. [Read more →]
Now read this! James Joyce’s Finnegans Wake
Most of us have read or been obliged to read, by a high school English teacher or college professor, James Joyce’s Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. Many have read the indelible story collection Dubliners. Hardly any of us have got past the first few chapters of Ulysses, let alone the entire book (even if it was crowned No. 1 in Modern Library’s list of the 100 Best Novels back in 2003). But who among us has the intellectual fortitude (or masochistic compulsion) to get through all 628 pages of Joyce’s nearly impenetrable, nay, opaque final work, Finnegans Wake? [Read more →]
Bad sports, good sports: lock him up and throw away the car keys
It happens so often, you would almost think we would get used to it. But how can you get used to it? Nick Adenhart, a 22-year-old rookie pitcher for the Los Angeles Angels, was killed, along with two others, when their car was hit by a drunk driver in Anaheim on Thursday. The driver, Andrew Gallo, had a previous drunk driving conviction, and was driving with a suspended license, in addition to a blood-alcohol level of nearly three times the legal limit of .08. [Read more →]
Top ten signs you’ve hired a bad tax accountant
10. His last client was Willie Nelson.
9. All his calculations use “the finger method.”
8. His CPA license is handwritten in crayon.
7. He swears that “a bajillion” is a real number.
6. He keeps saying, “Audit, Schmaudit!
5. He advised Michael Phelps that he could deduct his weed money as an entertainment expense.
4. The name of his firm is “H & R Crock.”
3. He states unequivocally that you can claim your imaginary friends as dependents.
2. At the bottom of every page, he’s written “Give or take a thousand.”
1. He boasts that over ninety percent of his clients “have gotten away scot-free!”
Here are more we missed
Michael Antman’s excellent piece earlier this week, Poetry, Patience, and Rage, hit very close to home. Some of his experiences were mine; in fact, some were shared experiences between us. Michael refers to haiku he published in the late 70′s. They were part of a collaboration between us when he was working at the Chicago Board of Trade and I was working as a PR assistant for a machine tool company. Together we wrote more than 100 haiku and, ultimately, compiled 50 each, along with an introduction, under the title Here Are More We Missed. [Read more →]
Lost in myth: Is dead really dead?
Perhaps the most ironic theme of “Dead Is Dead” is that it actually seems to imply anything but. The episode is more about the futility of death, rather than its finality, yet, I don’t think this is its ultimate message. The message in its fullest form is that dead is only dead if your services will no longer be needed.
New moms stay in homes for postpartum recovery and get pampered
I met my kids at the park after work yesterday (they were with their babysitter) and my daughter was playing with her friend from school. I knew the little girl had just recently (a few days at most) become a big sister and asked her father how his wife was doing. He told me she was fine and recovering. I asked if labor was long and he told me they almost had the baby on the highway but managed to get to the hospital just in time. Then I leaned down to the little girl and asked her if she liked being a big sister and was it fun to have a baby in the house. That’s when the father told me her mom wasn’t home yet and wouldn’t be for a few months. Huh? [Read more →]
Cinema this week: Best escape movies
It’s a slow time for movie releases. The top Box Office Hit is Fast and Furious, a sequel to The Fast And The Furious. I guess this movie is just too fast and furious to bother with the word “the.” As well as it’s doing in the theaters, it obviously won’t be too long before they release another sequel, maybe Fasurious? While it disturbs me to see this movie being held in such high esteem across the U.S., it actually provides me with some optimism. People must still have money to burn, and until they cannot afford to pay for Vin Diesel’s acting, I don’t think it’s fair to call what we’re in ”a depression.” [Read more →]
Advice at your own risk: 3 lame letters serve as example to others
Dear Ruby,
At work, I often bring treats and snacks to share. I always offer some to “Joan” who works next to me in the cubicles. She never takes even one bite of what I offer her, not even to be polite. When should I stop offering my treats to her?
“Jackie”
Lauren likes TV: Chelsea what-have-they-done-to-you Lately?
I love Chelsea Handler. She’s effin’ hysterical. I haven’t read her books, but I intend to read both, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One Night Stands, and Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea, and I watch her late-night show on E!, not religiously, but when I’m awake. What I do do religiously is download her podcast every single morning on iTunes. The second I arrive to my office, I crack open my coffee (shout out to the coffee cart on Broadway and Houston) and crack up at Chelsea’s 2-minute monologue about something hysterical, usually having to do with reality TV. It really makes my morning.
But good lord, E!. Can you help a sister out? They have really let Chelsea let herself go. [Read more →]
Romancing history: First Comes Marriage & Then Comes Seduction by Mary Balogh
Wandering the books section at CVS as I waited for a prescription to be filled, I came across First Comes Marriage by Mary Balogh, which came out at the end of February 2009. I had never read anything by Balogh, and as I have about 20 or so authors I follow regularly, I generally am not in a position to be randomly picking up new authors. [Read more →]
Facebook status: Moldova is having a revolution
Facebook Status: Upset about the election.
Tweet: Taking a break from fomenting a revolution to enjoy a scone.
Economic plummet summit
First of all, I’m 100% sure I’m the first person who thought to rhyme plummet with summit. The smirking truth of my title is almost unbearable. You should stop reading right now because it literally cannot get any better. Or it just won’t. Either way, stop reading.
The unlikely political career of Arlen Specter
One of the unlikliest politicians to win citywide elections in Philadelphia and then statewide elections in Pennsylvania is a Republican named Arlen Specter. Unlikely? Let me count the ways. [Read more →]
A new model for symphony orchestras?
This recent piece by the Philadephia Inquirer’s Peter Dobrin is one of the best things I’ve seen on the state, the woeful state of symphony orchestras in this country. He diagnoses the problems accurately — shrinking endowments and audiences — and suggests it’s time to explore a new business model. That he doesn’t have any recommendations on that score (so to speak) is hardly surprising. No one else seems to have any either. [Read more →]
Missing Parts
February 17, 2009
I dream I have just completed a standardized test at school and it’s time to return Eva’s lucky rubber band. I hold the rubber band up to put it on Eva’s wrist and she reluctantly holds up her arm. I am confused to see that her hand is missing. Eva explains that she is sensitive about her missing hand and she works very hard to conceal it. Later, I see that she uses an extra fake hand and she artfully arranges herself so that her hand appears to be attached. I want to check my email, so I go to the large common office area but I can’t find my computer. Wealthy people are using the room for fine dining. [Read more →]
Just Fantastic: Fun Home, a watercolor memoir
Photo essays are nothing new. Neither are the fine arts. However, both are being used to tell a complete story in this graphic novel: Fun Home by Alison Bechdel. [Read more →]
Reality check: Adam’s idol
Well, my friends, I think last night a winner was crowned. No, it wasn’t the season finale, but Adam Lamert’s rendition of “Mad World” was a full-on show stopper. Simon gave the kid a standing ovation and it ended with that. No words were spoken by the judges — none were necessary. [Read more →]
Gail sees a movie: Surveillance
“That was the worst movie I have ever seen.” I overheard an older woman deliver this verdict at the end of the film Surveillance as attendees at the Philadelphia Film Festival and cinefest 2009 rushed out of the theater to their next films. I am not surprised by her pronouncement, but I do not know what she expected. Did anyone think that director and co-writer Jennifer Chambers Lynch‘s first film in fifteen years (she directed and wrote the screenplay for the controversial Boxing Helena in 1993) could be anything other than a dark and creepy offering? [Read more →]
Poetry, patience, and rage
I discovered a magazine review of one of my poems for the first time this week, nearly twenty years after the review was published. It was like coming across a $10 bill crumpled up in the pocket of some long-ago thrift-store corduroys that had not only been forgotten, but had slipped to the bottom of the closet and been buried under sedimentary layers of old sweaters and worn-out shoes. What happened between the review’s appearance and my discovery of it is a small story of failure, rage, and acceptance. [Read more →]
Rebranding Thor in the Age of Facebook
The account rep jumped right into it: “we’re thrilled to have your account, but I’m afraid your numbers are down since our initial chat.”
“You’re kiddin’ me.”
“I’m afraid not, and I don’t want to sugar-coat it,” the lead consultant said. “We always get our best results when we start with an honest appraisal of the landscape.” She switched the projector on, and started her presentation: “according to our research, belief in you is down to less than a fraction of one percent.” [Read more →]
Lisa reads: Skeleton Creek by Patrick Carman
Skeleton Creek is young adult fiction for kids who grew up online — think Harriet the Spy meets The Blair Witch Project. Two bored teenagers manufacture a mystery in their hometown, which leads to a real mystery and some dangerous consequences. When one of them is seriously injured, the other continues the investigation, videotaping her adventures and posting them online. In order to solve the mystery, readers have to both read the book and watch the videos on the book’s website. Check out the trailer… [Read more →]
Love is something we do
I brought my column last week to a close by quoting Oscar Wilde’s quip that “to fall in love with oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” I cited it in connection with how I felt about myself, and this may have struck some as a wondrous exercise in narcissism.
But there is a difference between self-love and narcissism. [Read more →]
Lauren likes TV: Holy 90210-ly!
Last Week’s Roundup
90210 (Tuesday, The CW, 9PM) – Epic. Did anyone appreciate this horrifying episode as much as I did? Silver, Kelly (and David’s) younger sister, who at one point was the only somewhat likable character on this train-wreck, is a maniacal psychopath. [Read more →]
Now read this! Honore de Balzac’s Father Goriot
I like lists. Here’s one: Balzac, Dickens, Philip Roth, Haruki Murakami, Tolstoy, Conrad, Nabokov, Hemingway, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Shakespeare. These are my top ten authors calculated by the amount of time I estimate I have spent reading them. The winner going away is Honore de Balzac. [Read more →]
