
Kelly Conaboy literally saves the world
Yesterday was Earth Day. As a big Earth advocate I often mark days on my calendar under the heading “Earth” anyway, so when the 22nd of April came around I felt well-prepared. No big deal. Just another Earth Day like all the rest.
Having days like “Earth Day,” much like “Mother’s Day,” “Grandparents’ Day,” and “Black History Month,” is a great idea because it lets you know when and for how long you have to care about something. So I devoted my entire day to the Earth in the least Pagan-y way possible but, even with my extensive training, it was harder than you would imagine.
Because of a deep-seated fear of the dark I’ve developed over the past few months, I’ve become incapable of falling asleep without the lights, television, air conditioner, and radio on. This routine doesn’t fit within the restrictive boundaries of Earth Day, and since I technically had to begin at 12AM it posed a large problem. Would my devotion to the Earth be enough to carry me through the night and nightmares that awaited me? For just one night could I try to battle these, yes, self-inflicted but nonetheless frightening demons while remaining eco-friendly?
No, absolutely not. That was a trick scenario. If I were expected to be of any use to the Earth during its day I needed a good amount of rest during its night. Naturally, I slept the way I’ve become accustomed.
I awoke with the sun at 12:30PM. Usually I’d use numerous electronic devices while preparing my breakfast — blender, coffee machine, toaster, television — but this morning I used only one: microwave. Also television. Sausage Egg & Cheese Lean Pockets were on the Earth Day menu, because my body is certainly part of the Earth and deserves to be treated well. They were accompanied by a tall glass of disgusting filtered water. Of course, I picked up a coffee while I was out. Sadly, I don’t think you can recycle disposable coffee cups.
Normally in the morning my showers last around half an hour. Because I am unsure of whether or not water is a renewable resource, I thought it would be best to pay attention to my use of it on Earth Day. Play it safe. Thanks to careful planning, I successfully cut my shower down to 25 minutes and even brushed my teeth while I was in there. It was a nice feeling, contributing to healing the Earth in this way, but it’s definitely not something I can reasonably accomplish daily.
During most days I get around town by driving my Scion XA, but that is another aspect of my life that just does not jive with Earth Day. So rather than going out doing God knows what, I opted to stay home and be a little bit green. National Geographic was running Earth-saving programming all day, so I kept my TV tuned in for the duration. I did the same for my roommates’ TVs as well, so they’d get informed when they came home from whatever Earth-killing things they’d been up to during their day. We can all do our part; it’s important to know that.
It was definitely nice feeling like I was doing something positive for the planet. Sure, there is more I could have done. I certainly didn’t plant any trees, nor did I go shopping and use a cloth bag. But I also didn’t cut any trees down or do any laundry. It was an overall win for both my planet and my self-image. I only wish that it could be Earth Day every day.
Kelly Conaboy Saves the World appears every Thursday.
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Hilarious and brilliant. Love it.
I forgot about earth day. I don’t feel so bad now!
Great laugh, as usual for kcsw.
Keeping 2 TVs on is a must on Earth day so as to not miss any coverage of important events like O’Bamma taking Air Force One and a gaggle of reporters to Iowa to see a windmill.
Valiant effort! I forgot and did laundry, darn it. I’ll celebrate today, which will be convenient for me, since the laundry is all done now.
I’m commenting fashionably 18 days late.