Gender disclosure?
I should start by stating, without any equivocation, that Allen Andrade should go to jail for the rest of his life, or be executed, or receive whatever is the worst punishment that society imposes on a murderer. I am glad that he has been sentenced to jail for life without a chance of parole. There is no doubt that he deserves it and more for killing Maria Zapata. There’s no controversy there. The reason this story is making headlines is that it “was the first time in the nation that a state hate crime statute resulted in a conviction in a transgender person’s murder.”
I am working on a longer piece that discusses hate-crime laws generally, but I have a question incidental to this murder itself, since we can all agree that this scumbag should go to jail forever whether or not there are hate-crime laws. Murder is murder. But I am wondering about something else — and I mean this in no way to justify the murder or to excuse Andrade or to blame the victim in this case.
Do transgender persons have an obligation to reveal to romantic partners that they have had a sex-change operation? Or that they have not yet had one and still have the genitalia of a man even though they are living as a woman?
According to prosecutors, Zapata, 18, and Andrade, 32, met online in summer 2008 and arranged to meet. Zapata brought Andrade to her apartment in Greeley, Colorado, where they spent nearly three days together.
According to a police affidavit, Zapata was out of the apartment when Andrade noticed photographs that made him “question victim Zapata’s sex.”
Andrade confronted Zapata, who declared, “I am all woman.” Andrade then grabbed Zapata and discovered male genitalia.
According to court records, Andrade told police he began hitting Zapata with his fists, knocking her to the ground. He then grabbed a fire extinguisher and twice hit her in the head.
I don’t think I can be more clear than I have been that Andrade deserves his punishment and more. (Read the full article for a clear picture of just how brutal the attack was.) So spare me any false claims that I am blaming the victim here (even if you think Zapata’s lack of disclosure was not smart or ethical and put her at risk of violence, that doesn’t justify murder). My question is more general, sparked by this case but not really about it.
Does a person have the right — or should he have the right — to know that the woman he has spent the last three days making out with has testicles?
I guess some would oppose this. I don’t know if some in and outside of the transgender community think that once a man decides to be a woman, and takes hormonal or surgical steps to make it happen, that should be it — now he is a she (or she is a he, in the case of a woman becoming a man). Nothing needs to be disclosed.
Maybe you would not be upset to discover that the person you are holding hands with over a romantic dinner has a set of balls when you think there’s a vagina down there. But is it hard to understand that many other people would be upset, be quite disturbed by it, and feel tricked and betrayed, even disgusted with the other person and themselves, upon discovering it? Even if their feelings are bigoted and homophobic in your view, misguided, maybe as bad as racism or worse, if a good number of people would be freaked out by discovering the woman they’re kissing has a penis, don’t they have a right to know this before it gets to that point?
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This was both disturbing and hilarious. Gender disclosure is a must. I am in complete agreement with you that nothing justifies murder, but you can certainly expect a moderate to severely bad reaction if you’re hiding a nut sack down there.
Absolutely… full disclosure is a must. However, if a full sex change has occurred and the penis (and nut sack) is no longer there… then is that a game-changer?
I think it’s a game-changer if the sex change is complete – for a while, anyway, until the relationship looks like it’s heading somewhere. (Then a lot of things should be disclosed on both sides before proceeding; sex change may be one of them.) But if it’s a matter of the partner finding out the truth within a few hours, I think it’s better to be clear upfront. Kind of silly, to think that if you don’t tell a guy who expects to find girl parts that instead you have the same equipment, it’ll all magically work out somehow and be OK and he’ll be so enthralled with you by then that he won’t mind.
I think if I met a guy and spent a couple of romantic dates with him and was into him, and found out, at the crucial moment, that he’s a girl, I’d be pretty freaked out. Probably outraged, most of all, by being so played, which is not the feeling that leads to arousal and sexual experimentation. This is not a good setup for “try it, you might like it.”
Trixie – “This is not a good setup for ‘try it, you might like it.” – Perfectly put.