Live-thinking the Oscars, a few days later

Posted on February 26th, 2009 by Kelly Conaboy

Word around the blogosphere is that the president gave a speech the other night. Unfortunately, I already had plans to watch The City and had to miss it. I also had to pregame The City with a bunch of past episodes of The City, so I wouldn’t fail to pick up on any of the emotional nuances which may arise from knowledge you’d had to have accrued during previous episodes. Totally worth it, guys.

The speech probably aired during that time. I don’t know what kind of audience Obama got, but he should rethink when he puts these things on TV next time. I’d suggest either 1:00PM or 7:00PM, unless there’s a marathon on of something like Jon and Kate Plus Eight or Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations. And there’s like a 60% chance of that happening all the time. I guess it will just have to be a case-by-case type of thing.

Anyway, I have no idea what the speech was about. Probably the economy? In any case, I’ll give some advice and then we can get to what I really need to talk about. Ok, basically what you need to do, Obama, is I guess whatever you want. You’re the boss.

Ok, now on to what’s really important: The Oscars!

What a show, guys. Remember when that happened? It was on Sunday night. People won all sorts of awards and wore all sorts of things and all around the world people were live-blogging and live-twittering and live-watching and live-talking about them. And now, because I didn’t write anything down, is what I think I was live-thinking during the show:

8:00: I wonder when the Oscars are starting?

8:01: 8:30.

8:30: Here we go, another night of the Oscars!

8:36: LOL, I love Hugh Jackman.

8:38: Hugh Jackman tells the best jokes.

8:43: Oh yes! Awards!

8:50: Penelope Cruz?

8:51: I wish I had joined an Oscar pool.

8:52: Why don’t my friends and I ever do fun things like Oscar pools?

8:52: I guess maybe only offices do things like “pools.”

8:53: Will I ever have a job at an office?

8:53: I hope not.

8:54: Actually, I don’t think I’d be qualified for any kind of job.

8:54: I shouldn’t be so down on myself. I’m almost a college graduate. That has to mean something, somewhere, right?

8:55: But I will have a degree in English and no marketable skills or job experience.

8:56: What are these awards even about anyway?

9:00: LOL

9:05: I don’t know who any of these people are.

9:10: This is stupid, I hate awards.

9:25: I doubt anyone saw any of these foreign language things. Who would even want to?

9:30: How long are the Oscars, anyway?

9:43: I wonder if I’ll ever win an Oscar.

9:43: I guess that begs the question, for what would I win one?

9:45: Maybe I’ll write a screenplay. An Oscar-winning screenplay.

9:45: Or maybe I’ll just go for Best Adapted Screenplay. That would be easier. The work is literally already done for you.

9:46: Or I guess I could become a famous actress.

9:47: I would give a great acceptance speech. It would be humble, funny, and loveable.

9:50: I’m thirsty and hungry.

10:10: Toasted peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are the best.

10:30: I didn’t turn this on for singing and dancing.

10:40: I’m getting really sick of all this thinking.

11:00: Finally, some real awards.

11:10: I wish I had seen some of these movies.

11:11: I don’t know why none of the movies I like are ever nominated.

11:13: More like Slumhog Millionaire. Because of all the awards.

11:30: I’m sleepy.

11:40: Who is Sean Penn?

11:50: Yay!

So there you have it, guys. I know they say live-thinging things is just self-absorbed and trivial, but here I am, leaving you thoroughly entertained with your quality of life increased in immeasurable ways. Maybe next time you live-think something you can give a little thought to me, who will surely have inspired you.