Terms of Service, Terms of Friendship
This week all anyone has been talking about is Facebook’s change in its terms of service for users blah blah whatever.
First of all, who cares.
Second of all, this is what it is: The old terms of service said that Facebook could do whatever it wants with whatever you upload until you deactivate your account. The new terms of service said that Facebook could do whatever it wants with whatever you upload even after you deactivate your account. So everyone got all mad about it and pretended that they might someday deactivate their accounts and on this pretend day they didn’t want Mark Zukerberg, like, looking at a picture of them or something. And then Mark Zukerberg went on his Facebook blog and told everyone that Facebook is about trust, man and that we should trust that he’s not going to do any bad stuff with any of our stuff, ok dudes? And then everyone laughed and Facebook went back to the old terms of service and nothing really changed at all because we’re all going to be on Facebook until we die anyway and we shouldn’t kid ourselves.
Anyway, I’m clearly well aware of Internet things. This is why I choose very carefully what I put on my own Facebook page. For instance, if you visit my Facebook page now (which you cannot) you’ll find I haven’t entered my birth date. The reasons for this are as follows:
- Fear of identity theft
- It’s a friendship test
Everyone knows the only thing you need these days to steal a person’s identity is their birthday, so the first one is obvious. The second one is a way I gauge if a person cares about me. You figure, your friends must know you have a birthday sometime. And they see that it’s not listed, so it’s not like they’re just never going to ask. And then when it is your birthday, it’s not like they’re just going to pretend they didn’t see the three “Happy Birthday” wall posts you did get from your relatives. And it’s not like they’re just never going to even mention your birthday, even when they definitely know it was your birthday on Monday. And they know how much you love birthdays and that you’re a great friend and always remember their stupid birthdays. And you give them the best presents because you’re a great listener and you always know just what they would want.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that even with the new old terms of service, Facebook will always have my deflated anticipation and empty heart.
Which just turned twenty-two.
On Monday.
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About Kelly Conaboy
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Happy Birthday.
Sounds like your upset at someone.
Oops, sorry Kelly, Happy Birthday.
Oh yea, funny article. happy birthday again, and for next year too, in case I forget.
Good post, whoever this blogger is deserves a raise, and someone should hire her for some other job too! Btw I remembered your birthday!
So did I… and thank god your mom always remembers MY birthday, you ungrateful little….
PS, why can’t you take over Conan’s show? I mean Jimmy what’s-his-name, from 8 seasons ago on SNL? He couldn’t even write a good parody song. And where has he been? Losing his chops, that’s who. And here you are, forgotten by your “friends”, toiling away online. no justice.
Happy Birthday-er whatever. I think you should babysit again- for like, 3 weeks.
No wonder I forgot your birthday.